Posted by Julia | 5 min read
Tom had been seeing me monthly for almost a
year. Nice guy, respectful client, never caused problems. He was obviously
married but we didn't talk about it much.
Then one day he shows up to our appointment
without his wedding ring tan line.
"I left my wife," he said during
our usual post-appointment conversation. "Filed for divorce last
week."
My heart sank. This was exactly the kind of
situation I'd been trained to avoid.
Tom started talking about how our
appointments had made him realize he wanted more intimacy and connection in his
life. How seeing me had shown him what was missing in his marriage.
"You helped me understand what I
really need," he said.
That's when I got scared.
Tom wasn't just ending his marriage. He was
crediting me with inspiring that decision. That's way too much responsibility
and involvement in someone's personal life.
I tried to redirect the conversation.
Explained that our professional relationship couldn't have influenced such a
major life choice.
But Tom wasn't hearing it. He started
talking about wanting to see me more often now that he was separated. Maybe
outside of paid appointments sometimes.
Red flags everywhere.
I'd seen this pattern before with other
girls' clients. Married men who convince themselves their escort has special
feelings for them. Who use paid relationships as excuse to blow up their real
lives.
Then they want the escort to fill the
emotional void left by their divorce.
That's not fair to anyone involved. The NY Asian escort didn't sign up to be someone's post-divorce emotional support system.
I ended my professional relationship with
Tom after that appointment. Explained that I couldn't continue seeing him while
he was going through major life changes.
He was hurt and confused. Thought I'd be
happy that he was "free" to spend more time with me.
But that's exactly why it was problematic.
Tom had confused our professional relationship with something personal.
Six months later I heard from another
provider that Tom was doing the same thing with her. Crediting their
appointments with helping him "find himself" after divorce.
Some clients develop unhealthy attachments
that go way beyond what escort services are supposed to provide.
When clients start making major life
decisions based on professional relationships, that's when you need to step
back.
We're not therapists, life coaches, or
romantic partners. We provide companionship and intimacy within clearly defined
boundaries.
Clients who can't maintain those boundaries
become problematic quickly.
