The Married Client Who Left His Wife (And Why That Terrified Me)

Posted by Julia | 5 min read

Tom had been seeing me monthly for almost a year. Nice guy, respectful client, never caused problems. He was obviously married but we didn't talk about it much.

Then one day he shows up to our appointment without his wedding ring tan line.

"I left my wife," he said during our usual post-appointment conversation. "Filed for divorce last week."

My heart sank. This was exactly the kind of situation I'd been trained to avoid.

Tom started talking about how our appointments had made him realize he wanted more intimacy and connection in his life. How seeing me had shown him what was missing in his marriage.

"You helped me understand what I really need," he said.

That's when I got scared.

Tom wasn't just ending his marriage. He was crediting me with inspiring that decision. That's way too much responsibility and involvement in someone's personal life.

I tried to redirect the conversation. Explained that our professional relationship couldn't have influenced such a major life choice.

But Tom wasn't hearing it. He started talking about wanting to see me more often now that he was separated. Maybe outside of paid appointments sometimes.

Red flags everywhere.

I'd seen this pattern before with other girls' clients. Married men who convince themselves their escort has special feelings for them. Who use paid relationships as excuse to blow up their real lives.

Then they want the escort to fill the emotional void left by their divorce.

That's not fair to anyone involved. The NY Asian escort didn't sign up to be someone's post-divorce emotional support system.

I ended my professional relationship with Tom after that appointment. Explained that I couldn't continue seeing him while he was going through major life changes.

He was hurt and confused. Thought I'd be happy that he was "free" to spend more time with me.

But that's exactly why it was problematic. Tom had confused our professional relationship with something personal.

Six months later I heard from another provider that Tom was doing the same thing with her. Crediting their appointments with helping him "find himself" after divorce.

Some clients develop unhealthy attachments that go way beyond what escort services are supposed to provide.

When clients start making major life decisions based on professional relationships, that's when you need to step back.

We're not therapists, life coaches, or romantic partners. We provide companionship and intimacy within clearly defined boundaries.

Clients who can't maintain those boundaries become problematic quickly.